I’ll admit that I have some experiences in my life that are really difficult to shake the memories of. Despite having the courage and strength to quit drugs, cigarettes, booze, and unhealthy food, there’s still this one girl that I can’t forget hurting.
It was over ten years ago, and there were plenty of less-than-ideal facets to the relationship, but I was in love, and I was the one that wholly messed it up.
Over the last few months I’ve met some amazing new people and friends who have talked through this stuff with me, and I have recently realized that the only person I’m still hurting with these memories is myself. She’s long since gone, moved on, and forgotten what happened.
Maybe it’s because I have no control to try and fix the relationship, to salvage a friendship. If I have ever erred in my life, even if I’ve repeated a mistake that I have (chosen?) not to learn from, I am quick to try and come clean. I yearn for forgiveness, but its not specific. I yearn for forgiveness in my entire life, for how I choose, or have chosen, to live.
Yet there’s only one person holding on to these grudges, only one person who can forgive me. I’ve been searching for someone to replace this girl, thinking it would never happen. But they’ve been here the whole time.
I can forgive, I can forget, I can move forwards. It’s as simple as letting go of any ownership of that hurt and pain, and choosing to move forwards. Again, simple advice that isn’t the easiest thing to put into practice.
But you know what? It is!
Just remind yourself of everything positive you have done, and how these doubts and fears are holding you back from your very wonderful, but brief time on this planet.
Fear doesn’t exist. It’s only how you choose to colour your experiences.
So go ahead. Let go.
Here’s Cristian Mihai’s blog as I referred to in the video, and who’s post prompted me to write this piece